My perfect life

This past couple of weeks have been the toughest my family has endured for a long long time.

I am not going to discuss the specifics.

When everything is going to total crap I have one coping mechanism – it is perverse, because it involves a complete mind fuck.

I imagine my perfect life. Not the life I am living, but the life I want to have. This is perverse because it brings into sharp relief how my actual life is going and its manifest physical defects.In my perfect life I have the most massive built in pantry in the universe. It has a cold lader, wine cellar and everything a good cook could possible need. Neatly organised drums of staples. Shelf after shelf of specialised ingredients. Row after row of fantastic equipment, copper pots, knives, every thing neatly arranged and available, clean and at hand ready. The wine cellar is of course stocked, locked and soundproof – so you can lock yourself in and have a quiet glass of something lovely without anyone talking to you, if you so choose, or you can have a seat and chat with me. There is chocolate, salted capers, anchovies, there is a parma ham hanging, there is saffron. There are beautiful teapots. And cups and saucers and tiny macarons. An abundance of glassware. There is a totally awesome gas stove in the kitchen, I know induction is all the rage, but it just doesn’t feel right. And the extractor fan, actually extracts.

The rest of the house has everything I have ever wanted. A study where everyone else is banned. Soundproof and beautifully acoustic so I can hear music through wonderful speakers, but not the world outside. There are bookshelves right up to the high high ceilings. There are specially designed pieces of furniture that suit my working style and body.  The bedroom where there are ironed linen sheets, is perfectly dark. All light from the outside is excluded. All light emitting devices are forbidden. There is not a light emitting diode anywhere to be seen.

There is underfloor heating, solar panels, correct orientation, enormous water tanks. There are raised garden beds, so I never need bend over again, full of herbs and salad greens. There is a place to do yoga with ropes and a hanging sling so I can be upside down whenever I’d like. There is a high fence and a garage with a door that is controlled by a remote that lives in my perfectly clean car, which contains all the things I need including parking change and spare clean Keep Cups, that I don’t actually have to do anything to make happen. There are flowers, candles and enough space for us all and the train sets.

In this perfect life, there are no unwanted intrusions, it is calm, orderly, and beautifully clean. There isn’t anything on my perfect life list which is actually unachievable, it can all be done – with the exception of calm and orderly. It’s just that it cannot be done now. In the midst of the chaos, it’s the best thing I can do to make myself feel better; dream.

What are your dreams? Do they sustain you?