Blogvember Sunday Confessional

Blogvember has thrown up challenges in a way that I didn’t expect.

Unexpected interchanges about blogging, with other bloggers. Rivalrous thoughts about other bloggers writing. How I wish my blog could be more voice and less blah blah blah. Challenges too about writing every day. The discipline, the highs and lows – like yesterday where I didn’t write at all. A post appeared but it had no text. The posts I wrote thinking I really thought it was good, but no one read it!

Some thought about serious posts that I have suppressed and with unnerving effectiveness declared that I am not writing about that! There is self-censoring, denial and repression.

The more I write and publish, the more the risks become apparent. Risks of exposing too much is just the start! As blog life and real life come closer together, I pass people who I had no idea were reading, who say keep writing, or I liked that post. It is unnerving to come so closely into contact with readers. This is turn has risks. I need to be aware of the circles, the wheels within wheels, that I can’t see. Most of my content is only about my own thoughts, but there are topics I won’t write about now, ever, because of these ripples.

This seems to me part of the chimera of blogging. We pretend we are not writing for anyone, we pretend that we don’t care if anyone reads.

This is a lie.

I do care.

This extended riff about blogging is to conceal the fact that should confess to not having made appointments for the dentist, my girls-bits check up, done any exercise or got my fucking haircut.

With that, I am off to paint my nails blue and drink tea. They are both cleansing and meditative experiences that will allow me to slow down a little bit and examine why I am not taking better care of myself.